Children That Are Way Stronger Than You

Did you resolve to work out more for New Year's? Probably you did, and probably you've done nothing with it since. After all, gyms aren't fun, and they involve movement. Well, prepare to be ashamed of your sloth, for here are a bunch of people who live in the gym, have sculpted their bodies to perfection, and are overall better at fitness than you will ever be. And yes, they're children, in case you need one more reason to hang your head.

Some brothers play video games together. These two pump iron like it's their job. Ten-year-old Giuliano and his eight-year-old brother, Claudio, work out for at least two hours every day, and are basically wee little terminators as a result. And it's not just muscles for show—these kids are legitimately strong. Giuliano is a world-record holder for the most 90-degree vertical push-ups, which is like a regular push-up, only you lift your legs high in the air, down for a push-up, and then back up again, all without your feet ever touching the ground. Don't bother trying it. Even Googling videos of it will make your body hurt. Oh, and he also holds a record for being a human flag, which is exactly what it sounds like. Claudio isn't quite at his older brother's level yet, but the simple fact that he can do any of these stunts eclipses anything any of us can manage.

Maryana Naumova looks like a normal 16-year-old girl, except she's also a world bench pressing champion. Since the tender age of 10, she's been lifting barbells and proving to be a prodigy at it. She holds two dozen world records for under-18 lifters, and is recognized as a Master of Sport of Russia (one of the country's highest sporting honors, aside from whatever Vladimir Putin decides to award himself). And in March 2015, she became the first woman under 18 to compete in professional benching championships. And of course, she crushed those too, lifting over 330 pounds during the Arnold Schwarzenegger Classic to set a new women's record. But lest you think she's just a girl Popeye, she's also a budding activist and peacemaker. Lately, she's been touring war-torn Ukraine and Russia, promoting friendly lifting competitions and charity concerts in order to help people forget about the political struggles around them. In short, she's both nicer than you and can lift you clean over her head.

Unless you're The Mountain from Game Of Thrones, 14-year-old power-lifter Naomi Kutin can likely lift more than you. Her specialty is the raw squat (squatting with no fancy-schmancy protective equipment), but she can also deadlift and bench press with the best. As a child, "Supergirl" started lifting simply to stand out among her peers. "When I was younger, my friends would be doing a lot of things that I couldn't do," she explained to KIII-TV in Texas, "and I wanted to do something extraordinary." That she did, breaking the world squatting record for 97-pounders in 2012. That's every 97-pounder, worldwide. Also, this was her second reign as champion, proving that she can not only climb a mountain, she'll work hard to re-scale it if she slips and careens back to the bottom. She proved that again in 2013, squatting 225 pounds and becoming champion for a third time. Now a 105-pounder, she hasn't lost a step. In 2014, she raw-squatted 226 pounds to set the record for that class as well. Basically, when she can lift the Earth, she'll be satisfied. Maybe.

Some super-strong children lift and lift and lift to get that way. Others are simply born that way, such as Yang Jinlong, a Chuzhou, China boy who might actually qualify to be a member of the X-Men. He was apparently just born big and strong—he could lift an eleven-pound oil drum at just nine months old, and by age seven, he weighed over a hundred pounds. While he doesn't look ripped or anything, Jinlong is literally made of strength, and can lift basically everything. When not giving his father a piggyback ride, or lifting bags of cement twice his size, Jinlong has entertained onlookers by pulling a near-two-ton van with nothing but a rope. Unfortunately, since 2012, we've heard nothing from the now eleven-year-old Jinlong. Is he still lifting everything in sight? Does he still dream of being an Olympic weightlifter? For the sake of broken-down cars and trucks worldwide, let's hope so.

Nothing about Varya Akulova makes sense. She's tiny, has no crazy-huge muscles to speak of, and subsisted on nothing but noodles and water as a child because her family was that poor. And yet, she is basically the strongest girl in the world, capable of lifting objects—and people—several times heavier than her. By age one, she was already lifting things no one-year-old should lift (i.e., anything heavier than a teething ring). By age 10, she could outwrestle and overpower her father (a circus strongman himself, pictured here with his daughter), and by 14 could lift the equivalent of four fully-grown men. This, despite eating virtually nothing her entire life. Her father theorizes his side of the family is just naturally freaky-strong, such as Varya's great-grandfather, who celebrated the calendar striking 1910 by carrying 2,600 pounds on his back. They're apparently a naturally smart family too, as Varya could read by the age of three and has been a top student since. So no, you're neither smarter nor stronger than her. Sorry.

Not every child musclehead keeps pumping past puberty. Richard Sandrak, for example, gained fame in the early 2000's as "Little Hercules." He trained starting as an infant, and could lift 180 pounds by age six. Except the whole thing was a setup by his father, who wanted fame and fortune bad enough to deny his son a childhood. His dad forced Sandrak into hours of intense daily training, not allowing him to hang with friends or eat anything but the healthiest (and blandest) foods. After Father Dearest went to prison for attacking his wife, Sandrak slowly weaned himself off this superhuman training regime, gave in to the Delicious Dark Side that is pizza, and embraced the dadbod. Yet, he's still healthier and in better shape than many of us. If anything, he's actually healthier now than he was back then, because he actually has body fat (as Little Hercules, he boasted 1 percent body fat, dangerously low for anyone, especially a child). So now you get to feel doubly bad: one, the little boy could own you in the gym, and two, the grown man still looks and feels better than you on your worst day. At least you have pizza.