Dumb Things No One Mentions About Supergirl

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman! No...wait....it's Supergirl! On October 26 of 2015, CBS brought crime fighting girls back to television. Yes, Arrow has the various Canary incarnations and Flash recently introduced Patty Spivot, but it's really Supergirl's world. This is the first woman, excuse us, girl, in decades who is headlining her own superhero series. We've literally been waiting for this since Diana Prince left TV in 1979. However, Supergirl didn't land with quite the empowering force we were looking for and, in fact, seems to have quite a few issues people are completely ignoring. Let's take a look.

Kara Danvers' boss, seemingly based on Anna Wintour or Miranda Priestly, has plenty of headstrong opinions to counter your argument that Supergirl should actually be Superwoman, which she shares in the pilot episode. So we're not here to mince words or discuss the philosophical difference between a girl and a woman. You know what no one is talking about? In the comics, Supergirl has traditionally been named Linda Danvers. CBS decided to take some artistic license here and rename her Kara Danvers, combining her Earthly alias with her Kryptonian name. Sound familiar? Kara? Carol? Carol Danvers? That's the same name as the Marvel Comics character Ms. Marvel, aka Captain Marvel—who's scheduled to have her own movie from Marvel Studios in just a couple years. Was this a creative application of artistic license from CBS, or is DC plotting the ultimate takedown of the Marvel Universe? With Captain Marvel slated for 2018, we're sniffing out some foul play here. We wish we could just bake a cake of rainbows and smiles and everyone would just get along. We're all superheroes here. Can't we all just fight villains together?

Not to pull a total feminist declaration here, but why does Supergirl need to wear a bandaid as a skirt? It doesn't actually even seem that aerodynamically pleasing. It's really just extra material that could get caught on something, like an extra cape. If we learned anything from The Incredibles, it's that capes are bad and ultimately lead to the downfall of the hero wearing it. Two capes just seem like a recipe for disaster. Did CBS just put her in a skirt because she's a girl and she needs to be sexualized or feminized? Why can't she just be a crime-fighting badass? Why does she have to be wearing a sexy outfit in order to properly fight crime? And to that point, we liked the red high tops from the first episode much better than the too-sexy over the knee boots. they were cooler and—we're going to venture—much more comfortable.

It's the Clark Kent signature: the glasses disguising the superhero inside the man. The glasses that "disguise" Kara Danvers also imply a pervasive stupidity that blankets her entire world. Are we supposed to believe that Danvers' boss, the brilliant CEO of a leading publishing company really doesn't recognize her when she takes off her glasses and pulls down her hair? Really? It seems implausible that such a large conglomerate of brilliant inquisitive journalists would be able to simply ignore the stark resemblance, dare we say identical physiognomy, between Kara Danvers and Supergirl, even with Kara's bun and glasses working overtime as such a clever disguise.

The pilot of the CBS series set up Supergirl's entire identity, an identity that exists only as an aid to bolster Superman's backstory and identity. Supergirl is the cousin of Superman—it's the first thing we learn about her. The only reason Supergirl lands on Earth is because she's sent to protect Superman, playing second fiddle to his greatness, and ensuring he becomes the man he's destined to be. Since she takes a 24 year long nap, when she finally lands on Earth Superman picks her up and drops her off with a family he chooses. Her superhero name, her outfit, her friendship with Jimmy Olsen—these are all offshoots of Superman's life. Superman can stand alone, but without him Supergirl has no identity. Everything about her we understand because we know so much already about Superman. Why is no one talking about the fact that once again we have a woman entirely defined by her male counterpart? Yay female superheroes, but we believe Kara can stand on her own. Why doesn't CBS?

Uh, guys, why did Superman drop off his cousin with a random scientist family we've never heard of? First of all, in the original comics, Supergirl is the daughter of a policeman and his wife, not two world renowned biochemists. Second, if Superman was going to drop his only living relative on the entire planet with any random family, wouldn't he have dropped her with the Kents? Why is no one questioning Clark's decision to leave his lone family member with a group of strangers?