The McRib's Return Heralds The End Of Mankind
McDonald's McRib is little more than a slurry of pig snouts and bruised elbows squeezed into a mold shaped like a small rack of pork ribs, but after three farewell tours and spotty availability, it's become a thing of legend. Because the McRib is only available for a limited time each year, the evasive food-type object has become a thing to anticipate and hunt, even though we know that it's probably just full of guts and eyeballs that were rejected by Oscar Meyer's least picky inspector. You know, that guy with all the scabs and the tattoo of Yosemite Sam. Even that guy wouldn't eat these parts, but because they're buried in an obfuscation of delicious barbecue sauce and onions, that makes it okay.
Everyone has their own way of celebrating the McRib's annual migration from the slaughterhouse to the toilet, but this year, one man has taken it too far.
YouTube user LtMkilla, who can only be described as a human appetite suppressant, uploaded a profanity-laced video of himself eating a McRib sandwich—except with ten stacked McRib-meat-parts instead of the barely-sensible single slab. It's not a video for the faint-hearted—not because of the damage that this foolish human is doing to his body (for which the government will one day be responsible), but because he's a disgusting pig while assembling his franken-sandwich. While eating ten of these things provides him with almost four days' allotment of fat and three days' worth of sodium, the guy could at least use a knife and fork during this suicide attempt.
Our McRib awareness is generally greater than our political awareness. If the McRib ran for office on a platform that wanted to do nothing else but destroy the Sun, it would still win because it's a McRib. The McRib could kill Mayor McCheese in cold blood on an elementary school playground and it would still be treated as a second coming. The McRib is no better than you or I, gentle readers: we're all merely chunks of disparate meat shoved into a mildly pleasing shape, just trying to be the best we can be before we get flushed.
All hail McRib, reflection of our souls.
[Source: BGR]