The Darkest Parts Of The Lego Movie That Nobody Talks About

The Lego Movie is a delightful romp through a Lego-filled land, with great characters, funny jokes and a whole lot of action. It's one of those movies that, when your kids want to watch it again, it's probably OK. Better than another round of "Let it Go," right? Even so, the jokes are so rapid-fire, the action is so ... action-packed, there are a few extra dark bits of The Lego Movie that nobody really talks about. Like ...

Sure, Emmett is supposed to be lonely. That's sort of the point, since he's the least likely guy to be The Special and to save the Universe. But in his instruction-filled world, his life manual tells him how to fit in, have everybody like you, and be happy. He's supposed to breathe, groom himself, and then have breakfast with the special people in his life. Except the thing is, Emmett doesn't have anybody. Just a plant. He goes outside and greets every single neighbor by name, INCLUDING the cat lady's many, many, many cats. Not a single person he greets uses his name. At work, he's ignored. He isn't invited to go to the sports bar with his coworkers. It's beyond sad.

All this is confirmed, of course, when he is captured after finding the Piece of Resistance, and Bad Cop interviews all of his neighbors and coworkers — nobody knows who he is. Emmett is a complete nobody to them. And yes, of course we need a little bit of that so we can root for the underdog, but did they have to make him so totally ... pitiful? Your heart breaks for the poor lil' guy in the first ten minutes of the movie. Sure, he's annoying, but wouldn't at least one person remember his name?

It all makes you want to give him a big hug, but that would be difficult, so you'd probably have to settle for interacting with him enthusiastically. Because, despite all the rejection, Emmett is one enthusiastic little dude. Brave little toaster. Tough little camper. But so utterly alone at first.

The characters (even the extras) are plastic people, of course, but plenty of plastic body parts are lost. One guy gets impaled. One guy gets his head knocked off because a wall falls on him. Lord Business takes off Vitruvius's head with a danged penny. His disembodied head talks to Emmett, but then his eyes get xx'd out, because now he's dead. It took him a while to die from decapitation, apparently. Try explaining that to your five-year-old — it's hard enough to explain Obi Wan when you show them Star Wars for the first time.

There are also blaster guns in the Legoverse, and Bad Cop shoots up the place when Wyldstyle is rescuing Emmett. Later on, Lord Business sends micromanagers to freeze the citizens and pandemonium abounds. And, of course, the whole Star Wars crew gets swallowed by an Exogorth. Violence abounds, but it's so fast-paced (and shiny and cute), we don't realize how beyond brutal it truly is.

Bad Cop, voiced by Liam Neeson, has a "good cop" side too. You can see it when his head swivels away from the mirrored-sunglass visage of Bad Cop and reveals the mild-mannered Good Cop. When the dual-natured policeman loses Emmett and Wyldstyle, Lord Business decides to show him what's what. He introduces the menacing Kragle (Krazy Glue), that he plans to use to freeze the universe. He then brings Bad Cop's parents out of nowhere to demonstrate it. (The parents are, adorably, also cops with Irish accents.) Lord Business freezes their legs with the Kragle, and tells Bad Cop to finish them off.

Bad Cop goes through a head-twisting nightmare of a conflict, and ultimate decides he can't do it. Lord Business then ERASES the Good Cop face with the Po'lish Remover of Na'il (nail polish remover, for those of you who have trouble with subtlety), leaving only Bad Cop, who "has a job to do" and totally freezes his own parents. But even after that, some remnant of Good Cop remains, because when Bad Cop is betrayed by Lord Business, he saves our heroes, draws on a derpy Good Cop face, and at the end is reunited with his parents. That said, how much Lego therapy is it going gonna take him to get over that emotional hump? We're guessing a lot. Plus, how peeved is his mom gonna be? We're guessing a lot a lot.

Of course it's awesome there was a Star Wars scene. It's extra awesome that Anthony Daniels and Billy Dee Williams voiced their respective characters. All that coolness, however, doesn't take away from the fact that Lando is super skeezy in this movie.

That's the thing about The Lego Movie. Things move so fast — the action, the dialog (you may say there are a lot of moving parts, but if you want to get groaned out of a party) that you might not have even noticed. Lando says, "This might be the right galaxy after all, because I see a heavenly body," when looking at Wyldstyle, in the only overly sexual innuendo in the whole movie. Right on, Lando.

Then, when Batman asks if they have room for him on the Millennium Falcon, Lando says, "If he's a cool dude like you" with a little Lego shoulder shimmy. It's great that Lando is an equal-opportunity skeevo but still, dude — slow your roll.

If you blink, you might miss it this quick, seemingly funny joke. After brushing off the aggravating Green Lantern at the meeting of master builders earlier in the movie, Superman is placed next to him in the holding cells by Lord Business. That's all well and good, but then Superman — realizing he's trapped next to the annoying guy he'd been trying to avoid — asks, "Does anybody have any Kryptonite?"

So basically, he's willing to seriously injure, or more likely kill himself, rather than have the Green Lantern within earshot. That's pervasively dark, ya'll.

The adorable 1980's-style spaceman in the movie is really, really anxious to build a spaceship. Like, willing to build one at the drop of a space helmet. He finally gets to do it, and legit loses it. He keeps yelling "SPACESHIP" in a manic, giddy way, and while it's probably the most surprising and adorable part of the movie, there is something decidedly ... off about Benny.

See, that enthusiasm is probably more than sheer enthusiasm. Look at his helmet — it's cracked. Could he have a little Lego Man brain damage? Did he spend too much time in '80's Lego space? Did he hit his head on the Lego Moon a few dozen times? What's wrong with little Benny? Whatever it is, dude can admittedly build a sweet spaceship. SPACESHIP!

At the end of the day, this movie is one big Lego commercial. That doesn't mean it isn't funny, well-made, smart or great. It is all those things. But from the flashes of the different building kits you can make, to the main message of the movie — that you can build whatever you want and the weirder, the better — it all serves to sell more Legos. And yes, to spark imagination and stuff. Excuse us now — we have a spaceship to build.