The Untold Truth Of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos

You recognize the man, even if you don't recognize the name. Here, let's refresh your memory — ALIENS?

Yep, that's Giorgio Tsoukalos. Ever since he (and his awesome hair) appeared on Ancient Aliens — the show that presupposes that almost all our ancient tech was created outside our atmosphere — Tsoukalos has become an internet meme, highly used to suggest that something seemingly normal was actually aliens. You know the meme, you love the meme, but how much do you actually know about the man behind it? Well aside from his name and his hair, there's some stuff we're betting you didn't know.

Ready to get your socks blown off? The man who goes on TV to talk about how ancient aliens built everything from the pyramids to our DNA actually had an alien encounter! Maybe! Here's what he says happened: in the desert near the Joshua Tree, he and 26 other people saw stars moving in odd ways. Shortly thereafter, the group concluded that the two stars were actually UFOs and totally not an effect of staring into the darkness in the hopes of seeing a UFO.

Of course, not seeing a UFO doesn't mean anything, because Tsoukalos has actually proposed that part of the reason we haven't found aliens yet is because they can make themselves invisible. Except to a bunch of bored people outside hanging around a tree, apparently.

Tsoukalos wasn't always a wild-haired alien obsessive. He actually graduated college with degrees in sports information and communications. And despite the biggest thing on his body being his hair, he was big into bodybuilding. He didn't lift much himself, but he promoted many bodybuilding competitions, including Mr. Olympia competitions, the same event that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a well-known name. The two have even been photographed together, though that might just be because Arnold is almost certainly from outer space.

However, he wasn't content to just promote the swoll — he eventually became the producer and director of the San Francisco Pro Grand Prix, a biking competition. Wait ... bikes. ET and Elliot rode a bike to the stars. Yep, that settles it ... ALIENS.

Tsoukalos has a weird name, to say the least. We long gave up on trying to spell it and just copy/paste it whenever we need to talk about him. But it's not as odd a name once you realize where he's from — Switzerland. What's even more surprising is that he's not even the most famous alien dude from Switzerland. Erich Von Daniken, author of The Chariot of the Gods (which more or less created the contemporary idea of ancient aliens) is another Swiss! In fact, the two know each other, with Daniken even showing up in Tsoukalos' magazine, Legendary Times, a magazine devoted to — what else? — exploration of ancient aliens. If you can milk something, you milk something.

While it's not so weird that Daniken and Tsoukalos have met each other, it is a bit weird that the same spit of land produced some of the weirdest, most famous ancient alien proselytizers ever. Maybe there's something in the chocolate. If there is, aliens probably put it there.

When Tsoukalos did a Reddit AMA, there was but one question on everyone's mind — "how can we make fun of this dude as much as possible? Also, what's up with his hair?" After all, his hair is one of the most famous things about him — if he didn't have that ungodly quiff, there's a good chance no one would know who he was. However, his hair is there. Unsurprisingly, someone asked him about it. He said it was styled.

This might be the most surprising fact of them all. The man famous for having a messed-up mane of hair actually uses hair spray. That's right. His hair isn't a freak accident of God, a punishment for running over a magical fairy in the road, or an ancient family curse — he makes it look like that. Does he style it that way on purpose? Is he just really, really bad at styling? Does an alien distract him every time he hits the bathroom to try and look his Sunday best? Or was he not joking when he told one Redditor that his hair is "being slowly abducted"? The universe may never know.

Giorgio Tsoukalos: political pundit. While he has come out as saying he believes the 2016 presidential election was manipulated, he doesn't think the Russians did it. Nope, he thinks aliens did it.

And that's not all — he says this isn't the first time aliens have interfered in elections. He thinks Lincoln, Kennedy, and Reagan were all elected with the help of aliens. (They must've been sick the day we voted for Warren G. Harding.) And they didn't just hack computers — nope, they apparently used a "mind-control device" that uses low-frequency sound waves to brainwash people. Honestly, with that kind of creativity, we're beginning to think ol' Giorgio deserves to be a billionaire.

The best part? He says he has actual proof that aliens did it. The man most famous for saying "ALIENS!" claims aliens elected Donald Trump, and he can prove it. He just ... hasn't yet.

Have you ever wanted to go to Croatia? Well, how about going to Croatia on a cruise? An intimate one, at that, and with Giorgio Tsoukalos? Yes, Giorgio has a lecture cruise that you can go on. Sip daiquiris while he explains how we only know the recipe for daiquiris thanks to the slime creatures from outer space.

But, what if you're not actually a huge fan of Tsoukalos? Sure he's all right, but he's no Erich Von Daniken. Well, you're in luck because this intimate cruise, filled with lectures, actually features both Tsoukalos and Von Daniken. Have fun!

You might imagine, given his hair and his regular insistence that nobody could create anything without the direct intervention of sky beings, that Tsoukalos is actually quite adept at — and maybe even enjoys — verbal sparring with those who disagree. And you'd be ... wrong. Unless you had a time machine. In which case you'd be right.

See, at this point, in his mature age, he's realized that he has no chance of convincing those who are close-minded to the idea of aliens doing everything for us, and so he doesn't even try. However, when he was younger and more stubborn, he'd spend hours arguing with critics. One skeptic upset him so much that, when that skeptic later attempted to interview Von Daniken, Tsoukalos went out of his way to stop him. So not only did he used to fight with critics, he'd also attempt to blackball them. Today, he's a lot more chill — maybe the aliens taught him some super-advanced yoga that he has yet to divulge to us.

If you're incredibly poor and don't know how to climb out of that hole, have we got the scheme for you! It's apparently ridiculously profitable to espouse things you can't prove about the existence of aliens. Just style your hair, stare intently at the camera, and start talking.

Giorgio Tsoukalos isn't just a writer and expert of all things alien — he's also a consulting producer for Ancient Aliens, which costs around $100,000 per episode to make. It's also been running for quite a while. He's earned enough money to the point where he's almost a millionaire. His net worth is $750,000! Now, don't you feel silly about going to school to learn stuff?

If you're a fan of things that likely don't exist, you might have noticed a running theme throughout humanity. We talk a lot throughout history about creatures who look like humans but are slightly different, are from another realm, have powers we cannot comprehend, and sometimes abduct us. Sometimes we call them fairies, and sometimes we call them aliens.

Of course, those aren't the only mythical creatures ever — there are Yetis, mermaids, and all sorts of things. So while someone who believes in aliens might not sound like the type of person who would also believe in dragons, well, Tsoukalos totally does. Not only is he fascinated by these creatures — which he admits to not knowing a ton about — he believes they might have been ancient aliens. Naturally. As he once said, "We have to ask ourselves: Did flying dragons really exist? Or was it misunderstood technology?" Sure. So are trees, dinosaurs, mountains, lakes, dirt ... all things are aliens and aliens are all things.

You probably only know who Tsoukalos is because of the endless blanket of memes littering the internet wasteland, with his face arguing for ridiculous ideas and theories — most of which are alien in nature. Somewhat surprisingly, Tsoukalos claims he doesn't hate the memes of his face; he actually likes them. We could say a lot of things about this, but honestly, it's refreshing to find people who don't mind laughing at themselves.

Tsoukalos isn't known just for working on Ancient Aliens. After all, you wouldn't just grab a guy with goofy hair off the bodybuilding stage to ramble about aliens and pay him. He had to earn his stripes, and he did edit Legendary Times, the magazine that published dozens of ancient aliens articles, including one by his Swiss alien bro, Daniken. So, he's got some merits. But that's not all he's claimed to write.

Supposedly he wrote something, most commonly thought to be a book, called Gods or Ancient Aliens. However, no one can find a copy of it anywhere. (You're welcome to try.) Despite this book being his top claim of being qualified to work on Ancient Aliens, there's no proof this book actually exists. And if the book is fake, what else is he making up? Is his hair not really styled? Maybe he's not really from Switzerland ... maybe he's not really from Earth.

Despite it kind of being his cash cow, Giorgio's wacky, wild, Beakman-on-steroids hairdo wasn't always part of his personality. In fact, when his Ancient Aliens show premiered in 2009, Giorgio had the most normal hair in the world. It was short, slicked-back, conservative. If he weren't telling you Grandma only exists because aliens allow it, you might think he was just some middle-of-the-road science professor, and not that one weird teacher whose class you simultaneously loved and feared.

As his hair grew through the years, so did his ability to control it. You can see it jutting progressively further out and up as the show goes on. Perhaps its goal now is to reach as close to the heavens as its hirsute master will allow.

He shows no signs of stopping with this alien stuff, so who knows how far his hair will go? If he lets it, it may grow strong enough to gain sentience.

Some people with fanatical beliefs refuse to hear any side but the one that agrees with them. Giorgio Tsoukalos, however, is more than happy to fight against his aliens argument. He's also more than happy to dismiss them the second they stop talking.

During his April 2015 Reddit AMA, a user asked Tsoukalos if he had seen Ancient Aliens Debunked, a three-hour documentary that is exactly what it sounds like. Giorgio admitted he had watched the film, and then proceeded to give it a big 'ol raspberry. According to him, "A three-hour movie cannot debunk 50 years of research." He then mic-dropped with: "I welcome the effort, but it has not, in any way, shape, or form, changed my opinion." No kidding. Why would he let his opinion be changed now? It's bad for business.