Badass Children Way More Heroic Than You

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, emphasis on size. See, normally when we think of heroes, our mind goes to Die Hard or a super soldier fighting on some distant field. Of course, not all heroes chose to be heroes. Some have barely learned how to speak before becoming utter badasses ...

Ever try to hotwire a car? Pretty hard, right? Okay, now imagine you've never done it before, and you're being told how to do it by someone stuck inside a burning car, and the person in the car is your father and — oh, right — you're eight years old. That's what happened with Michael Bowron. He and his dad were driving when his dad swerved to avoid a collision, and wrecked the car. His father was trapped, but Bowron wasn't. He managed to escape the car and, upon realizing, "Hey, being stuck in a car that's leaking oil sucks," attempted to save his dad with a tire iron.

Once that didn't work, he thought of the radio. With his dad telling him what to do, Bowron managed to hotwire the radio to a spare battery and call his mom for help. She got the ambulance and, after being trapped for roughly an hour, Bowron's father was removed from the car and taken to the hospital. All thanks to the mini-McGuyver, who is now guaranteed to get so much stuff. "Dad, can I get this toy?" "No, son." "Remember that time I saved you from a burning wreckage?" "...Fine."

Do you know what it's like to get stabbed? For most of you, the answer is no. Here's a short description of what it's like: OW.

Of course, none of us have ever been a nine-year-old getting stabbed, and we imagine that is quite a different experience. See, Nathan Thomson was at home when an intruder broke in and decided to pull a Freddy Krueger on Thomson's mom. He took a knife and began slashing at her like he was Jackson Pollock and she was a blank canvas. Realizing that knives and flesh never make the best of buddies, the nine-year old attacked the intruder, distracting him. Then the intruder stabbed Thomson in the face.

Now, for most of us, that'd be the end of life. But Thomson was cooler, and tougher, than us. He and his mom escaped the house while his twelve-year-old sister jumped from the window. All of them managed to get away safely because a nine-year old, when confronted with an armed man, thought, "I can take him."

Timmy Miles was just twelve years old when God decided to write a Stephen King fanfic, using Miles and his family as the characters. That day, Miles and his siblings were taken out by their own mother, who drove into a remote area before making all of them — including herself — take a massive amount of pills. All evidence points to her being suicidal and homicidal, which is a super-bad combination for a kid to have in a mom. While waiting for death to overtake them, Miles' mother fell asleep in the still-running car. Because the world isn't cruel enough, the car then burst into flames. Miles woke up and pulled his siblings out of the burning car, but unfortunately it was too late for their mother, who died due to smoke inhalation.

Of course, that's not bad enough! See, when we say "remote," we mean really remote. The place Miles and company were in was so cold and inhospitable that, left with no other options, the siblings had to make their way back to the now-not-burning car, and stay there overnight — with their mom/would-be-killer's dead body — or else die of exposure. But due to Miles bravery and quick thinking, he and his siblings managed to survive one of God's most horrific tales to date.

Picture the 1960's. On a bus, a young black woman sits down near the front. A few stops later, a white woman comes on demanding her seat. Instead of getting up, the black woman decides to take a stand. She tells the white woman she's not getting up, and the woman can find another seat. Then she's thrown off the bus. Rosa Parks, right? Except, no, it's not. This is the story of Claudette Colvin.

Claudette Colvin was just fifteen years old when she decided she had enough racist garbage, and spat in its face. What's more, instead of a Rosa Parks-esque explanation of being "just so tired," Colvin out-and-out was like, "I'm not moving for you just because you're pale as a sheet; get away from me, ghost." We're paraphrasing, of course, but that's still an awesome story that could inspire people.

The problem? Colvin was a teenager, about to be a mother, and not exactly the most respectable. So when the NAACP needed a face for their protest, they went with Parks, who was older (and lighter skinned) so Colvin's story was taken, respun, and repackaged to make it more palatable to white people. After that, the bus boycott began and history was made, though it all started because of one rebellious teenage girl. It just goes to show you — everything awesome in the world happens because of teenage girls.

One of the biggest disadvantages to being a non-water-dwelling species on a planet that has more water than anything else, is that going into the water is basically like playing Russian Roulette. Of course, we take some precautions, like ships and lifeguards. Sadly, both of those were in short supply during the story of Natalee Oliverez. See, several families were out on a boat when waves overtook it, and it started sinking. Luckily, sixteen-year-old Natalee Oliverez was there, to help save them all. She started by saving a baby, then a two-year-old, then a five-year-old, and finally an eleven-year-old. So not only is she a hero, she's awesome at chronological organization.

Even more extraordinary? This wasn't the first time Oliverez was in the news either! The first time was when the Children's Miracle Network dubbed her a "Miracle Kid." She earned that title by coming down with reflex sympathetic dystrophy, a disorder where her body is constantly convinced it's in more pain than any of us could handle. Despite that, when seeing a whole school of families in trouble, she sprang into action, saving all of them from drowning, despite being in more pain than should be legal.

For most of us, getting shot is something we can only think of in the abstract. We like to talk over coffee with our friends about how we would react if a robber burst in right then, or we'll keep guns in our house in case of an invader. The truth is, most people don't know how they'd react to an act of violence, especially one involving a gun. But Sarah Rivera knows. Her reaction? Being a badass.

Rivera was hanging around the front of her New York City building when gunfire range out. Almost everyone else scurried because, well, what else are you going to do? But not Rivera. One of the people who had been walking by was a father with a baby in a stroller. When the shots rang out, the man ducked and ran off, leaving his baby both in the stroller and in harm's way. Rivera wasn't going to take any of that, however. She grabbed the stroller and began pushing it to safety when she was shot. Luckily, it was a non-fatal wound and she sirvived. The doctors have even said they're leaving the bullet in her leg, perhaps so every time she goes through a metal detector, she can make everyone in the nearby area understand just how amazing she really is.

Normally, when you sign your children up for team sports, you expect them to learn about fair play, honesty, how much sports suck, and why post-game ice cream is a godsend. You don't normally expect them to become a mini-Justice League. But that's exactly what happened with one high school baseball team. See, while practicing, a woman was hit by, and trapped underneath, a car in the parking lot. Not content to ignore her screaming — both because they had sold and that would really have thrown off their game — the team raced to help. All together, the group of high school kids lifted the car off of the woman, saving her. At this point, we think this was less an event that happened, and more a sappy commercial demonstrating the importance of teamwork.

When interviewed, the assistant coach said, "To be honest, we might not have the best baseball team around, but we sure do have a great group of guys," which, ouch. You can't fault the coach for honesty, but still OW. That being said, we gotta admit that having — for once — a group of high school boys on a sports team do something awesome, instead of disgusting and terrible, is pretty awesome.

Mittal Patadiya was only thirteen years old when she reenacted Die Hard. See, she was at home when thieves — pretending they were in need of help — burst in and began robbing them. See? It's Die Hard, only minus a skyscraper.

Not content to let them take all of their stuff, Mittal jumped on one of them and began biting him, before he stabbed her in the neck. Despite how she was now bleeding from the throat, she managed to continue fighting off the robbers before neighbors came in to help her out. She later got an award for bravery, and most likely an invitation to be a top-secret assassin.

Oh, and the best part? The family that she saved her family? That was her foster family, who was actively raising her as her real father had too many children to care for himself. Imagine adopting a child, and then that child turns around and saves their blood family. Had Krypton survived, that's like what Superman's Smallville parents would've experienced. And hey, speaking of Superman...

How much money would you need to even attempt to lift a 3000-pound tractor? No money, because you're not interested in trying ridiculous things that you could never, ever accomplish? This just goes to show that you're not nearly as tough as two teenage girls. Hannah Smith and Haylee Smith were sixteen and fourteen (respectively), when they came home to find their father trapped underneath his ton-and-a-half tractor. Despite how Olympians have a hard time lifting even half as much, the two girls straight-up ripped the tractor off their father, saving his life and outing themselves as superheroes.

We're not joking about the superhero thing. They have to be, right? Doesn't this whole story sound like something out of a Superman movie? Imagine Clark Kent hearing his father caught under the tractor and — with strength he never knew he had — lifting it off of him. This is some definite origin story stuff these girls have got going on..

Calling 911 in itself isn't a huge deal, but Chloe Olsen did it when she was just five years old. At that age, we'd be a bit surprised if she knew how to count to 9, let alone dial it.

Olsen's mother was choking on food, couldn't talk, and was silently dying in front of her wee child. Luckily, Olson realized what was up and, "because it was an emergency," in Olson's words, she picked up the phone to get help. Of course, she didn't actually think she was dialing 911. She pressed the buttons, but when the operator answered, Olson asked, "Daddy?" Basically, while she knew she needed to get her mom help, she attempted to get it from her father. So not only is she a hero, she's the most adorable one ever.

Despite that, though, the operator figured out that this wasn't a crank call, sent emergency services out, and saved Olsen's mother. This all confirmed that, at five, she was already more competent than we will ever be. Also, we now understand why having a kid is such a good idea. It's like LifeAlert, only cheaper!