Bizarre Ozzy Osbourne Quotes That We Can't Believe He Actually Said

The Ozzman cometh, and he's bearing some bizarre words of wisdom. Former Black Sabbath frontman and reality TV pioneer Ozzy Osbourne is known for quite a few eccentric behaviors. According to Louder Sound, he has a rap sheet as long as his impressive discography. Riding public transportation blitzed out on booze and drugs? Check. Drugging a vicar? Sure. Literally urinating on the Alamo? Yup. And of course biting the heads off of small flying mammals. Fortunately for us, he's provided quite a bit of editorial over the years on all of his crazy antics.

Osbourne has always had a Yogi Berra-like way with words. His most memorable quotes range from outrageous honesty to the blackest black humor to simple recitations of his exploits in colorful verbiage. For example: Over time, he's been as willing to rhapsodize about his experience dentally decapitating history's most famous bat as he has to make an off-color joke about his son's struggle with opioid addiction. It's all in keeping with a stage persona that's always been simultaneously larger than life and true to it. Over a lifetime of wild statements, which are the words that stand out the most?

"My father always said I would do something big one day. 'I've got a feeling about you, John Osbourne,' he'd tell me, after he'd had a few beers. 'You're either going to do something special or you're going to go to prison.' And he was right, my old man. I was in prison before my eighteenth birthday." — I Am Ozzy by Ozzy Osbourne

"I wasn't so much of a dad as I was an extra delinquent child for my wife. I had a row with my son [Jack] one day and I asked him, "What the f*** have you ever wanted in your life?" He says, "A father." That hit me between the eyes like a f***ing rock." – Interview with Rolling Stone, 2017

"My folks were relatively normal in comparison. My dad was strict but he never beat me up or locked me in the coalhouse or anything. The worst I'd get was a smack if I did anything bad, like when I tried to kneecap my grandfather with a hot poker while he was asleep." — I Am Ozzy

"By all accounts, I should have been dead f***ing 40 years ago." — Interview with Rolling Stone, 2017

"I just do what I do. I don't want to become no f***ng martyr for the cause. The thing about me, I'm still alive – barely, but I'm still here. To me, I don't know why I'm still here. I ain't got a f***ing clue. I'm glad I am, but every week somebody else dies, you know?" — Interview with Clash Music

"I'd start the night like James Bond, and end it like a pile of sh*t on the floor." — I Am Ozzy

"I'm a terrible insomniac. In the past month, I haven't slept more than an hour and a half a night." — Interview with Rolling Stone, 2018

"I ended up touring the world as the Prince of Darkness with three little kids in tow, which wasn't exactly good for the image." – I Am Ozzy

"I'm so over the dove, the bat. It's just one of those things people will remember me by. Yes, I did bite the head off of a dove. Yes, I did bite the head off of a bat. It's a stupid thing to do, but I did it." — Interview with Clash Music

"You know, I can't remember the f***ing Nineties. I remember Waco and the Oklahoma bombing – but I can't remember the Nineties. I thought the Eighties were pretty cool..." – Interview with Rolling Stone, 2017

"We had this sling full of offal, meat and testicles, whatever; it was shaped like a big hand. Sharon says, 'We'll push the thing on, flames will come out of the fingers, you press the lever and the offal will fly into the audience.' But it had been there all day. I pushed it out and the hand got caught on the carpet and she says, 'Push the f***ing thing.' I go, awww ... I sat there with eight tons of f***ing testicles and guts on me." — Interview with Rolling Stone, 2018

"You get a different perspective on meat after you've worked in a slaughterhouse for a while... It doesn't feel right eating beef when you're in the company of a cow." – I Am Ozzy