The Bizarre Story Of The 'Pablo Escobar Of Eggs'

As The Guardian tells it, Jeffrey Lendrum is currently on his fifth stint serving jail time for the same nefarious act. It takes a lot of gumption, a lot of self-confidence, to commit the same crime five times, each time believing "this is it — this go-round, ain't nothing bad going to happen." It's the kind of unceasing commitment to one's felonious craft rarely seen outside of Bond villains and the accomplices of Carmen Sandiego.

After all, most people would take pause around the third or fourth time that they were arrested for smuggling eggs onto airplanes. But Jeffrey Lendrum didn't choose the egg life. The egg life chose Jeffrey Lendrum.

Jeffrey Lendrum, pictured here being single tonight, has been dubbed "the Pablo Escobar of eggs," a compelling moniker that begs the question "how big are this guy's nostrils?" Unfortunately for his ear, nose, and throat specialists' bank accounts, the name doesn't refer to Lendrum's penchant for snorting sick lines of produce section nose treats but rather to his seemingly insatiable appetite for bird smuggling. See, Jeffrey has a long history of nabbing exotic bird eggs and sneaking them across international lines.

Lendrum first came into the public spotlight in 2010 when, per Outside Online, he was taken into custody at England's Birmingham Airport. Alerted by a janitor who smelled strangeness afoot, plainclothes counterterrorism agents — presumably having a slow day — discovered that Lendrum was carrying 14 peregrine falcon eggs in what can only be described as a DIY sock papoose board around his stomach. His explanation? They weren't falcon eggs, they were duck eggs, and his doctor told him to wear them to help his back.

Utilizing keen detective work, law enforcement officials ascertained that the eggs in question were not, in fact, a prescribed medical necessity. Even if the whole thing was a merry mix-up in which a man with scoliosis who could only be treated by liberal application of Huey, Dewey, and Louie accidentally picked up peregrine falcon eggs at the pharmacist like some kind of a dang old dunderhead, it would be remarkably coincidental, as Lendrum had already been arrested twice in Zimbabwe and Canada for endangered egg trafficking. A 30-month prison sentence ensued.

Lesson learned though, right? There's no way that somebody convicted of smuggling weird stuff into airports three times would do it again, specifically in 2015 on a flight from Sāo Paulo and once more in 2018 at Heathrow Airport. But he did, you guys. Jeffrey Lendrum just loves taking eggs on airplanes that much.

Now, Lendrum is facing extradition to Brazil after skipping bail in 2016. Is there a joke there about being a jailbird? Sure. A crack about how you can't make an omelette without taking a few eggs? You bet. If you really wanted to stretch, you could even point out that there's a great Netflix show to be written about his criminal empire, and how you could, theoretically, call it "Beaky Blinders" or "Old Shell-don" or, in a pinch, "Caw & Border: SVU"

But let us instead focus on the real takeaway here. Jeffrey Lendrum is now known as the Pablo Escobar of eggs, and if that's not the pitch for the next Wes Anderson movie, then what is?