No Takers For Indonesian 'Pluck A Tire Off A Croc' Contest

Let's say, hypothetically, that you're out for a stroll around beautiful Central Sulawesi and you happen across a 13-foot crocodile wearing a bicycle tire as a necklace. What would it take for you to approach said monster from the dawn of time and gingerly removed its vulcanized accoutrement? Money? A Klondike bar? A Klondike bar made out of money? If you answered "the promise of an unspecified reward from an Indonesian conservation agency, then there's good news and bad news.

The good news is that authorities in Palu were offering just that. The bad news is that you're too late, and the "pluck-a-tyre-off-a-croc" contest has been officially called off due to an inexplicable lack of interest.

According to MSN, the tire-clad crocodile in question has obtained a small level of celebrity in Indonesia, where conservationists have been struggling for years to figure out a way to remove its sick Huffy neckwear. In January of 2020, they did what any right-thinking government agency would do in this sort of situation: they announced an open contest to see who could wrestle, pluck, or verbally carouse the bike tire off of the four-meter reptile, promising a prize but remaining suspiciously non-specific as to what that prize might be. One assumes "all the gauze you can saturate with your inside-bits," but we may be calloused by years of exposure to a cruel world. Contenders reportedly included local television celebrity Panji the Explorer and, presumably, the spirit of Steve Irwin, summoned back to this mortal plane by business left unfinished.

Now, authorities have canceled the competition, citing a lack of interested parties. Hasmuni Hasmar, head of the Central Sulawesi Natural Resources Conservation Agency, says that this is only the beginning, and that concerned citizens should remain optimistic. "We now have back up from the ministry and government experts to help us," said Hasmar, whose life sounds just, like, so much more interesting than yours.