Walking Sharks Discovered Near Australian Coast
Who hasn't had a great time being terrified by Steven Spielberg's happy-go-lucky beach romp, Jaws? The 1975 mega-huge blockbuster kept people out of the water and on the sand for far too long. Because sharks, right? Swimming when and where you're swimming, right? So stay on the sand. Except when you're in Australia.
As if Australia hasn't suffered enough, it now has sharks that – wait for it – walk. First Steve Irwin, and then bush fires turning koalas into tiki torches, and let's not even mention Paul Hogan.
According to Time, which in turn is quoting the journal Marine and Freshwater Research (in case your copy was delayed in the mail), the recently discovered "epaulette" sharks, which are less than a meter long, get their groove on using their pectoral and pelvic fins.
The article goes on to quote the lead author of the study, Christine Dudgeon, who tells us, "Walking sharks present no threat to people but their ability to withstand low oxygen environments and walk on their fins gives them a remarkable edge over their prey." (Admit it: You read that in an Australian accent.)
Taking a stroll in its best sharkskin suit
Dudgeon does go on to qualify the word "prey" with "small crustaceans" and mollusks, so there's that.
The beasties are probably not qualifying for the Olympics in a mixed track-and-field-and-pool event, since they range across the ocean floor itself (there doesn't seem to be anything about coming up for a Foster's Lager) and feed on invertebrates and small (emphasis added) fish –- you know, bullies.
But bear with us. Remember that according to some estimates, velociraptors were about the size of a turkey, not the eyeball-to-Jeff-Goldblum-sized play pals featured in Mister Spielberg's magnum opus Jurassic Park and the perhaps not entirely laudable sequels. They call it creative license for a reason. There are possibilities here. Chris Pratt's probably busy, but maybe Tara Reid's available.