Physicists Can't Explain Strange Particles Found In Antarctica

In an announcement presumably presided over by a mysterious husky whose sudden appearance nobody could properly explain, scientists are wrestling with the presence of mysterious, physics-defying particles that have been discovered busting up out of the ice in Antarctica.

As reported by Scientific American, physicists are currently baffled by two separate events recorded by NASA's Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna, a balloon-based data gathering tool currently living its best life above the South Pole. The antenna, nicknamed ANITA, is used to detect the presence of cosmic rays entering Earth's atmosphere. The particles that currently have researchers scratching their noodles seem to be emanating from the planet rather than into it, which, in scientific parlance, puts a hitch in physics' giddyup.

There are a number of possible explanations. Some researchers theorize that the rays are made up of sterile neutrinos, while others think that they might be the result of dark matter pockets beneath the Earth's surface.

In any case, the presence of these particles throws the Standard Model out of whack, as they've managed to permeate thousands of kilometers of rock and come out relatively unscathed. Derek Fox, the point man on the research paper outlining the discovery, believes that the event has been caused by "stau sleptons," which are either game-changing, largely mysterious supersymmetric leptons or, more pressingly, the first sign of a mini-stroke when said out loud. Other researchers, like Bill Louis, a neutrino physicist based out of the Los Alamos National Laboratory, have expressed skepticism, stating that at this stage, it's too soon to make any sort of assumption about the cause of the rays, and that more in-depth analysis is needed.

In any case, two things are clear: there's something inexplicable happening at the South Pole, and the scientists in charge of researching it can't trust anybody. Not even Kurt Russell. Maybe especially not Kurt Russell.