Kiss Of Death: Hershey's To Retire Fleet Of Kissmobiles

Mankind has long sought to cement his place in history via war, architecture, poetry, and sick electric guitar solos. More than anything else, though, humanity has been defined through the eons by its ability to make automobiles look like big versions of food. From the lowly Cadbury Creme Egg Car to Hormel Foods' humble Spamwagon to the king of all sausage rides, the Lord High Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, cars that look like they were built to trick kaiju monsters into eating gasoline have long made the world a better place.

But all food things must come to an end. Tonight, the stars will shine a little less brightly. The Hershey Kissmobile is no more.

Originally rolled off the line in 1997, the Kissmobile is a 12-foot high, 26-foot long testament to man's ability to shrug and say "Why not?" Comprised of three monster-sized Hershey Kisses, these beasts called Hershey, Pennsylvania their home, and traveled more than 30,000 miles annually each, spreading good cheer, chocolate awareness, and diabetes for over 20 years.

In a statement from Hershey Company spokesman Jeff Beckman reported on by the Associated Press, it was announced that the Kissmobiles would not be making further appearances starting in 2020 due to "safety concerns" regarding the aging vehicles, as well as the difficulties the company faced in acquiring custom parts and, presumably, because everyone at Hershey just hates fun now. He failed to mention when the candy company, founded in 1894, would be taking away everybody's birthdays as well.

Still, it's not all bad news for diehard fans, as the Antique Automobile Club of America will maintain and display a single, solitary Kissmobile at its museum, helpfully also in Hershey, Pennsylvania. By all available information, it will be the only vehicle shaped like three giant proprietary confections on permanent display on the premises.