The Truth About Oreo Cows

People increasingly live in an age where facts don't matter and the matters of fact are scorned as myths. As the very idea of objective truth dangles at the precipice of Orwellian irrelevance, many people say they want to know the truth about Oreo cows. The bad guys — you know who they are — tell many lies about these maligned bovines. And that's why you have to know the truth, the whole truth. Not the skim truth but the whole and udder-ly unpasteurized truth about the best cookie cows Earth has ever seen.

For example, many people — like trillions of people or maybe zero — ask if Oreo cows are made of cookies, and the Fake Moos media says they are because those animals are truly the enemy of the sheeple, and their farts are killing the planet. But that's just a small taste of the truth. Here's the real meat of this remarkable cow.

That's Farming compiled a list of 16 different things "you should know" about this delicious-sounding animal. It would behoove you to know that these cud-munchers are also known as Belted Galloway cattle. But don't worry, their name doesn't mean they go the way of the gallows — unless you eat them. Rather, these moo machines hail from western Scotland, which is home to a place called Galloway. But then why are they called Oreos, and why don't they wear belts? What gives? Milk. The cows give milk and "are often used as dairy cows due to their docile nature and compliance with the process." 

Belted Galloways are also called Oreo cows "due to their peculiar resemblance to the popular treat!" That's Farming was right; you should know that. An adult Oreo bull weighs about 1873.9 pounds (850 kilograms) but can tip the scales at 2,200 pounds (1,000 kilograms). Holy cow, that's a lot of hamburgers. But for a time there weren't a lot of cows because they had to be killed during an epidemic of foot and mouth disease. Luckily the bovines rebounded because the Oreo cow is one tough cookie.